How do I help students struggling with their self-worth?
Just about everyone has times when they feel inadequate. Here’s something I wrote about the topic for Character Lab as a Tip of the Week:
In my first year as an assistant professor, I commuted to and from campus on the regional rail.
In the mornings, as I walked from the train station to the office, I planned my day by making a to-do list in my head: the scientific articles I would read, the data sets I would analyze, and—most urgent of all—the piercing insights into human nature that it was my job to discover.
Each evening, I trudged back to the station, again ticking through my mental checklist but this time sizing up my performance against the expectations I’d set for myself that morning. Time and again, when comparing my to-do list with my got-done list, I found myself falling short.
But one day, something very strange happened. At the midpoint in my commute home, without any conscious intent, my thoughts began to shift. Instead of cursing my weaknesses, I thought, and even said aloud sometimes, very softly: I’m a nice person. I’m a nice person. I’m a nice person.
By the time I boarded my train, I was done with my little mantra—until the next day when I walked home. And again, after inventorying my failures, I found myself saying quietly: I’m a nice person.
What kind of person walks around giving themselves compliments? Was I a narcissist? What was going on?
It turns out that there’s a technical term for this practice: values affirmation. And what it boils down to is recognizing, and reinforcing, the personal values you hold most dear.
When you affirm a core personal value, you shore up your sense of self-worth. You broaden your perspective: Instead of zooming in on your inadequacies, you switch to a wide-angle view that includes your resources and opportunities. Research also shows that the majority of adults spontaneously engage in some form of values affirmation. And the more people are in the habit of doing so, the happier, healthier, and more hopeful they are.
Over time, I made progress in my research and learned a lot about what makes most successful people special, including this: Nobody has passion and perseverance unless what they do aligns with their values.
Try values affirmation for yourself and teach the practice to your students. Take a moment and think of a value you hold dear, whether it’s kindness, creativity, gratitude, or integrity. Whatever it is, name it. And then say to yourself: Come what may, I know who I am. Your values are your foundation and your compass, too. Trust them, and they will lead you home.
