With the school year well underway, there’s something different in the air this fall. The strain of political anxiety is virtually inescapable.
As educators usher students into their classrooms every day, smiling and high-fiving them at the door, it can feel like elephants are walking into the classroom with them. And while this is neither the first time our nation has navigated deep division nor likely the last, tensions are high, and understandably so.
Educators are on edge, and some think the answer to navigating it all is keeping mum. A survey from the EdWeek Research Center found that 58 percent of K-12 teachers do not plan to talk about the election this fall, with 22 percent believing it “could lead to parent complaints,” and 19 percent reporting that they don’t think their “students can discuss this topic with one another in a respectful manner.”
Luckily, the science of emotional intelligence—the mindset, skills, and strategies that help us identify and manage our own emotions and the emotions of others—offers a way forward in dealing with these gritty conversations. In practice, emotional intelligence allows us to tune into another person’s feelings and pick up their perspective, seeking to understand rather than sheltering in place with like-minded people, who feel safe and comfortable.
Now is the time for emotional intelligence—and the infusion of it in K-12 schools (otherwise known to educators as social and emotional learning, or SEL)—to reconcile the gap created by differing beliefs. Here’s how.
In a time when opinions can feel like truth, be a learner as well as an unlearner. Whether the teacher or the student, emotions influence every decision we do or do not make. When we fail to recognize and honor them in everyday life, emotions nonetheless influence how we’re perceived by and interact with others. Classrooms aren’t just spaces to cultivate intellectual curiosity but emotional curiosity, too. They are spaces where students can learn the skills that center the person first, not the topic, and where disagreements can be communicated with clarity and respect.
This does not mean forcing everyone to “be nice and agree.” It means fostering an environment of affirmation and understanding over scrutiny and critique with prompts such as, “Let’s pause. I can tell you feel strongly about this. How do you think that’s influencing the conversation?”
It means creating a space where everyone can feel heard without being harshly judged or resorting to immediate outrage.
Listen to understand, not to respond or retaliate. When you are a part of a conversation that suddenly feels heated or heavy, seek understanding before responding. Ask yourself: How can I better understand this person’s perspective, their story, rather than shutting them down or contributing to toxic discourse? How can I teach others to do the same?
For educators, this is best modeled with students through narration and validation. Rather than trying to de-escalate disagreements once it’s “too late,” educators should intervene early, narrating that the conversation had become tense, recognizing the students’ big emotions at play, and validating their passion and participation while reinforcing expectations of effective discourse. (Of course, interventions will vary depending on the severity of the circumstance, but being proactive is crucial.)
Resist the “us versus them” mentality and exercise judgment without being judgmental. It’s possible to engage with diverse opinions without projecting one perspective as “correct.” Youth gravitate toward those who model empathy and acceptance, who they feel psychologically safe with, not judged by. In doing so, they teach us all a valuable lesson: Although judgment is a necessary component of everyday life, being judgmental is not.
Educators should not deprive students of sharing their perspectives and instead nurture an environment in which they can be respectfully shared.
Take a “meta moment.” Not every conversation will remain calm. When heated moments happen, as they often do, encourage yourself and students to pause, breathe deep, and think: What would my best self do right now?
Your “best self” is a personal representation of how you want to be when you are at your best and how you want others to see you. Best self is a key component of the meta moment, a strategy to pause, breathe, and reconnect with your values in times of intense feeling.
So, when comments from co-workers, kids, or parents leave you feeling drained or livid, pause and consider: What does my best self look like in my role as a teacher? Can I express compassion instead of yelling or making a snarky comeback? Is our relationship worth losing my cool? How else can I channel my energy productively?
There is nothing wrong with feeling angry or upset. Indeed, these can be helpful emotional catalysts against harm and injustices. But channeling our best self may be the difference between a constructive response and, say, rashly lashing out in the middle of class.
It starts with you: Practice and model your skills often. The strategies we’ve offered here may sound too simplistic. Yet, as many discussions-turned-arguments have proved, these strategies are far from easy to live out. Being emotionally intelligent takes work.
While there is no such thing as a bad emotion, there are unhealthy ways to regulate an emotion. So, if you long for a changed world in light of this election season or simply a changed classroom—one with more seeing and listening, less judging—then the change starts with you.
Let’s get to practice, however imperfectly. Fortunately, tools like the How We Feel app or the Meta Moment from our RULER approach to social and emotional learning are built for supporting just that.
This election season is a crucial reminder that the elephants in the classroom are not ours to control but rather to manage effectively. At the end of the day, emotional intelligence does not promise any cure for the division of our modern times, but it does promise a blueprint for cultivating cultures of better understanding.
